女儿的拥抱 My Daughter's Hug

女儿的拥抱

“Good night daddy， hug hug ... 。”

已经快九岁的女儿每天晚上睡觉前，只要我在家，都会习惯性地跑来给我一个拥抱，然后这样亲密地对我说。

这个平常不过的小动作却隐藏着亲子关系的大哲学。

若是以陪孩子的时间作为一位父亲是否关爱其孩子的唯一衡量，那我的成绩单肯定是惨不忍睹。

每个周末，甚至是工作天的时间似乎都被社团工作和活动所占据，尤其是捐血活动在这个11月分更是到了一个月办4次的极限， 占了这个月4/5个周日！这还只不过是福利组的活动而已呢，还有策划组，文教组，经济组，体育组，公关组，组织组，资讯组，培训组的活动呢？

到底是“公益”(社团社会工作)重要，还是“私益”(事业家庭生活)重要？这一直是我在问我自己的问题，或许这也是我一直在逃避回答的问题。

很多时候在快撑不下去的时後，我不停地告诉我自己 “徐蔡斌，你既然要接下团长这个职位，你就要无怨无悔地扮演好你身为团长的角色和职责，不然你就没有资格当华青团的团长 ...。”

... 望着女儿消失的背影，身上还有与她拥抱过留下的遗温，突然发觉我能给她的时间居然只是在那瞬间的拥抱而已。

有研究说过很多孩子在步入青春期时就会在感情上与父母渐渐疏远，父母说的都听不进去，朋友叫的却可以赴汤蹈火 ... 对父母的亲昵也会越来越淡。

渐渐地我的女儿也会因为我在她的朋友面前叫她的乳名而给我脸色看，也会开始觉得和爸爸在大庭广众牵手很别扭，也会慢慢地开始和我顶嘴，闹意见 ... 所以爸爸们，真的要珍惜这段与孩子们的甜蜜时光。

但是，扪心自问，我现在一个星期给了女儿多少个睡前拥抱？而女儿肯让我给她睡前拥抱的日子还剩多少？

徐蔡斌，你的女儿要找你来个睡前拥抱的时候，你在那里？

徐蔡斌/古晋 2008年11月22日

My Daughter's Hug

“Good night daddy, hug hug ... ”

Every night before her bed time, she never fails to give me a hug and says this to me in the sweetest voice any father could hear from his 8 years old daughter, if I'm at home, of course.

Beneath such a simple good night hug lies a great philosophy.

If a father's love for his daughter is only measured by the time he devoted to her, I must admit I have failed miserably, and shame on me.

Every weekend, and many a time, week days too, my schedules are full, especially during this month, we have 4 blood donation campaigns out of the 5 weekends this November could possibly offer. And even so, these are only our Welfare sub-committee's regular activities, what about the other activities by our Planning, Cultre & Education, Economy, Sports, Public Relation, Organisation, Information and Training & Development sub-committees?

Which one is more important, public welfare or own welfare? This is a question that always lingers on my mind which I have no answer, or maybe even refuse to answer.

When the going gets tough, I motivate myself by telling myself that “Hey, you ask for it and you better stay the course, otherwise you are not worthy of the position you are sitting on ... ”

... gazing at my daughter's receding figure, feeling the residual warmth that she has left on me, suddenly I realize that all the time I could give her is just that few seconds' hug.

Research says that many parents will lose their children's affections to their children's friends and peers when their children reach their adolescence, so I guess, sooner or later my daughter will show me her annoyance when I call her her nickname which used to be a sign of affection and bonding between me and her, she will push away my hand which reaches out for her in the public, she will start to talk back to me, object to everything I say ...

So to all the daddies, treasure the sweet moments with your children, while they still want to share them with you.

Nevertheless, I must search my own conscience, how many good night hugs have I given to my daughter every week? And how many days left while my daughter still allows me to give her a good night hug?

Hey Su Chua Phin, where were you when your daughter was searching for you for that good night hug?

Su Chua Phin / Kuching 22.11.2008